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Mickey Mouse
Summary Mickey Mouse is an immortal being immune to aging from the passage of time. No known way to eliminate the Mouse has been found, and he should be considered dangerous regardless of if he possesses a weapon. Characterized by his love of babies, Mickey Mouse is best known for his time acting in Walt Disney cartoons. After his departure from Disney in 1933, he was replaced by a hyperrealistic CG double that plays his role to this day. Achievements Mickey is known for numerous achievements and accomplishments, positive or otherwise Scientific accomplishments Despite his overall negative reputation, Mickey has contributed to society in the form of scientific innovations and discoveries. His most impressive achievement is a device to manipulate the fabric of spacetime, allowing him to pass through strong gravity wells such as massive planets or black holes. His second most notable accomplishment is a machine designed for the sole purpose of CBT (cock and ball torture), meant to cause as much pain and suffering as humanly possible. Mick's neighbors have reported screaming coming from Mickey's house, indicative of the machine's effectiveness. Medical accomplishments Although the Mouse faced several physical and ethical barriers, Mickey was able to create a synthetic replica of a human infant, fighting off medical professionals lobbying to have his medical license revoked and his achievements discredited to reach his goal. Exact details are unknown, but it is believed that the baby featured hyperrealistic crying, resistance, and anatomy. Political accomplishments Throughout his life, Mickey has held several positions of government in several countries, whether by election or by force. A brief list of these include: * Ruler (Unknown ancient civilization, 7500-7700 BC) * Deity (Egypt, 2000-332 BC) * King of England (1201 - 1222 AD) * King of Spain (1569 - 1599 AD) * Founding Father (1776 AD) * President of Kazakhstan (January 2, 1991 - January 3, 1991 AD) * President of the United States (2004-2006 AD) Terrorist Attacks Unfortunately, Mickey has also been the culprit of many terrorist attacks on various countries, domestic or otherwise. Although it would be a waste of effort to attempt to document every one, it is still crucial that the most notable ones are documented. Terroristic origins Mickey's affinity for terror started when he successfully constructed his first pipe bomb in 2002. Before he could use it, however, Mick was arrested by authorities after making hundreds of threats of bombing several federal buildings, most notably the Pentagon and the White House. While in jail, he was quoted as saying "What can I say? I'm a savage mouse born and raised in a savage house." Attacks on the White House As mentioned earlier, Mickey has made numerous attacks on the White House with varying degrees of success. Statistics have not yet been released, it is estimated that 11% of Mickey's attempts have been successful. The means used to carry out these attacks range from suicide vests equipped with dynamite or plastic explosives to firearms. It should be noted that although injury from a blast at point-blank range can impair the Mouse, its damages are only temporary and he will quickly recover. Other attacks Mickey Mouse is unfortunately known for his more vulgar weapon, his erect penis. While exact speeds have not and cannot be measured, it is estimated that Mick's ej (ejaculation) is capable at traveling upwards of 500 miles per second and - depending on the day and Mickey's emotions at the time - extremely dangerous levels of acidity. Hazardous material suits need not be worn around Mickey, as they will only prolong the suffering one endures when hit by his ej. His favorite use of this deadly force is raiding and pillaging small villages scattered throughout Africa, mostly for the Mouse's enjoyment. Mickey loves nothing more than to see the suffering and pain of others. Public incidents Most of Mickey's notoriety comes from his public outbursts and happenings over the years.